This really happened.

About four years ago, I had a good job, but didn’t have many friends because I worked the 3rd shift. I was single, despite the fact that I’m a decent looking guy.

One night, I went to the movie theater and watched ‘Drive’ alone.

It changed my life. I wanted to be Driver.

I got my hair cut like Driver and started to wear clothes like Driver. I didn’t get a Scorpion jacket though, I’m not autistic.

I start to behave to like Driver. Quiet but cool.

I bought a brand new 2011 Mustang GT 5.0 because Driver drove one and I made enough money, so fuck it.

Pictured: A still of Ryan Gosling's jacket in 'Drive' (2011).

Pictured: A still of Ryan Gosling’s jacket in ‘Drive’ (2011).

I started to eat at this little diner every night. I eventually became a regular, and the staff would save me a spot.

There’s a cutie-pie waitress who would always chat me up, or give me free pie.

I reciprocated but remained vague and brooding. I could tell she wanted me.

One night, I asked her if she wanted to go for a drive. She gladly accepted.

We cruised the night listening to the ‘Drive’ soundtrack.

Pictured: A still of Carey Mulligan in 'Drive' (2011).

Pictured: A still of Carey Mulligan in ‘Drive’ (2011).

I dropped her off at her apartment, and she asked if I wanted to come inside for coffee.

“Oh fuck yes,” I thought. But I played it cool: I brooded for a second, and then replied with a simple “…yeah”.

We fucked.