Snoop Dogg used to be young and virile but alas, time takes its toll on us all.

Now he is old and weathered, a weary and wizened semblance of his former self, gradually decaying into a puddle of sludge that used to be cool.

This is the way of all things. One day you’re fresh and fit, at the top of your game collecting all the pearls because the world is your oyster and it always has been and you don’t know any different.

The next thing you know, you’re a walking parody of your former glory and people probably think you smell like Sun Chips (garden salsa.)

The past is the past. All we have right now are our memories to look back on and our dwindling days of diminished strength to anticipate ahead. Days we will spend toiling in decline, pining for that golden age of yore when we actually wanted to have sex and ate whatever we pleased without remorse. Even if it tasted bad we would eat it because we were high on drugs that made us hungry instead of the drugs we take now just to be able to pee a little bit.

We may stop and wonder if there is anything that can be done about our predicament. Is this really it? Have we really climbed the mountain just to wearily slide down its backside into an uncelebrated heap of obscure ruin?

I am here to tell you the answer and the truth — no!  

Ray Bans are on sale now for a limited time for $19.99 (PM me for details.)

You’ve seen the ads. You’ve possibly dismissed them as “too good to be true.”

Buddy, that’s the old you talking. The old you was afraid to strut their stuff again, fearing the crushing weight of failure should they not compare favorably to their former self.

The new you doesn’t g an f. The new you wears imitation Ray Bans until you have sex.

What are you waiting for? It’s time to fall in love again — with yourself.

Buy the discourse sunglasses and feel what it is to be alive and happy at the same time.